Betrayal Trauma

As you lie in bed one morning, months after the initial shock of discovering betrayal trauma in your own marriage, you have a startling realization: you don’t recognize the person beside you. It isn’t a case of forgetfulness. Despite encountering this person daily over the past two decades and being familiar with their outward appearance, you realize you know little about them.

You used to think you knew them inside out, but after uncovering so many lies, you start to doubt if they even know themselves. It feels like they are constantly wearing different masks, putting on facades, and telling half-truths. Who are they, really? And do you even want to stick around anymore?

Most people would probably ditch a friend who lied a couple of times… but what do you do when you find out your spouse has been spinning big lies and little fibs every single day?

Do you give space and time for them to heal their childhood wounds and trauma that led them to control what others thought of them, or do you realize things may never change and bail? Can a liar change?

When you realize the person you’re with has worn a mask the whole time, you question if you want to stay in this relationship or not with them. You question everything. 

You aren’t to blame for winding up in this situation. People who lie and hide themselves from others are master manipulators. They have carefully curated the person you see before you into a version they hope you’d like. And the version they hoped their parents would like…and their friends…and their coworkers. You’re not alone in feeling tricked. They have tricked everyone, including themselves. 

If you find yourself in this situation, you are not alone. I would be honored to be your therapist as you learn how to calm your nervous system, rebuild your self-worth, and safely decide your next steps.

Please use the contact me button at the top of this page to get started.